The Hangover: Avengers Style
by Mymermaidstory
Summary: After a little bachelor party for Clint that the boys planned, things go terribly wrong when Thor brings an old Asgardian drug meant to induce a haze like state. They wake up with a pounding headache, a tiger in the bathroom, and Clint is nowhere to be seen. All they know is they have to get their memories back together before Natasha rips their heads off.
1. We Fucked Up - Prologue

Natasha paced back and forth in the room, biting the tips of her fingernails.

_"You've reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Leave a message after the beep because I clearly don't care enough to answer the phone" _

_"This is Clint Barton, you know what to do."_

_ "You've reached the voicemail box of "Steve Rogers". Please leave a message after the tone."_

"Natasha calm down. They'll be fine! It's just Vegas. I think Clint knows how to handle his alcohol." Maria tried to reassure her. The reason for Natasha's excessive worrying was due to the fact that today was her wedding day. A day that should be relaxing and celebratory to most people. But her fiance not returning her calls wasn't very relaxing in her mind.

Her entire body went stiff as her phone rang.

"Hello?" She answered frantically. The panting on the other end of the line wasn't very comforting.

"Natasha? Hey, it's Tony." He coughed, standing in the middle of the Mohave desert. Tony was a complete wreck with his hair a mess, a bloody lip, and half of his glasses broken. Thor and Steve weren't examples of perfection either.

"Tony?! What the fuck, where are you guys?"

"Yeah Nat... We uh... We fucked up."

"What do you mean Tony?"

"We lost Barton."

"WHAT?! What do you mean you lost Barton!? Tony, we're getting married in FIVE HOURS!"

"Yeah... That's not gonna happen."


	2. PAGING CAPTAIN FAGGOT

40 Hours Earlier

* * *

"I would move your hand if I were you!" Thor shouted at the man who was currently taking his measurements. Clint Barton was standing in front of him, trying to get Thor to stay still for his tuxedo fitting.

"Is this really necessary? This is very constricting!" Thor protested before the man finally left and Thor struggled to get out of the Midgardian clothing.

"Thor, Asgardian armor isn't exactly normal in a Midgardian wedding. Besides, Natasha actually wants something normal for once and Tony's offering to pay for this." Clint rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh as Thor tried to removed the tux.

"Barton, you do understand that if you wish to go to this place you call "Vegas" without me, I am completely fine with that. After all, Jane has been wanting to learn more about Asgard." Thor sighed, feeling a bit left out. Clint shook his head.

"No man! Thor, what are you talking about?"

"Tony and Steve, they're your friends and I'm just an alien according to Director Fury." Thor shrugged and Clint put his hand on Thor's shoulder.

"Thor, you're comin with us! You need to show us all those crazy ways an Asgardian can party!" Clint laughed. He was shocked that Thor was even suggesting not to come. "Besides, the guys love you and you always spice things up!" Thor glanced over at Clint, a light smile on his face.

"Thank you Barton. But I refuse to wear this tux any longer."

* * *

Clint Barton and Natasha Romanov had been planning to get married for a while. After all, they had known each other for years and actually trusted each other. So it wasn't really a surprise to the rest of the Avengers when Barton popped the question.

However, the first thing in Tony's head the moment that he realized Clint was getting married: Stag Party in Vegas. Which is exactly what he was planning on doing. Getting the guys together, renting out a badass hotel room in Vegas, gambling and drinking until they were too drunk to even stand up straight. Hell yeah, that would be one great night. -

"Coulson, c'mon you don't have to do this." Clint protested, not wanting to accept Phil's offer. For the first time in years, Coulson was letting someone else drive Lola.

"No, I insist! If you're gonna go to Vegas, you gotta drive in style. And Lola, she's the best thing on four wheels." Coulson laughed, nodding at Clint. "Just... Just don't let Tony drive. Or Thor. I don't trust them with her."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be the only one driving." Clint coughed awkwardly.

"Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," Phil joked, "Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you."

* * *

"Sir, you have everything packed?"

"Yeah yeah JARVIS, I got it!" Tony chided his AI as he closed his bag. He was so excited for this, mostly because of the gambling and drinking, but also because of the brotherly bonding.

"You remembered to leave a note for Miss Potts, telling her of your travels?"

"Yes JARVIS! Everything is under control." Tony rolled his eyes, leaving the building just as Clint drove up. His eyes went wide upon seeing the car. The gorgeous, red antique car was something he had always wanted to drive. "Holy shit man, Coulson let you borrow Lola?"

"Yeah, apparently he trusts me for some reason." Clint joked. As Tony threw his bags in the trunk and attempted to get in the car, Clint got all defensive. "Woah dude, watch the leather! C'mon Tony!" He shouted, but of course was completely ignored as Tony sat next to Thor.

"Aw sweet, we got Thor along for the ride? This is gonna be one crazy ass night!" Tony laughed as Clint drove off, headed for Steve's house.

* * *

"Got your stuff?" Sharon asked Steve, looking him over

"Mhmm, I'm all good." Steve smiled, sitting next to his girlfriend. He had been dating Sharon ever since the incident with the Winter Soldier. Despite the fact that he loved her, Sharon was a bit overbearing and controlling. She enjoyed controlling almost every aspect of his life and the only reason he let her was because she gave insanely good handjobs and blowjobs, plus he was a bit brainwashed by her.

"Make sure to call me as soon as you get to the hotel. Don't let it be like that conference in Phoenix."

"I was the keynote speaker. Besides, Fury was watching me with a vengeance so I couldn't exactly get to a phone." Steve tried to explain, earning a sigh from her and a sad look. "Sharon, what's wrong?"

"I just hope you're not gonna go to any of those strip clubs up there."

"What? Sharon, we're going to Napa Valley. I don't even think they have strip clubs in wine country." Steve lied. This was the only time he had ever lied to her. He knew that if he told her they were going to Vegas, she would have his head on a silver platter.

"Well I'm sure if there is one, Tony will sniff it out." She remarked.

"It's not going to be like that."

"Besides, you know how I feel about that."

"I know, I know." Steve groaned quietly

"It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross and pathetic. And the worst part is that little girl grinding and dry humping the fucking stage up there is somebody's daughter!"

"Somebody's daughter, yeah, I was just gonna say that." He sighed, shaking his head and Sharon kissed his forehead.

"See, I just wish your friends were as mature as you."

"They are mature actually. You just have to get to know them better." Steve tried to reassure her. Of course, it was at that point that Clint and the guys rolled up in front of Steve's house. And for some reason, Tony had a bullhorn in his hand.

"PAGING CAPTAIN FAGGOT!" Tony shouted, "CAPTAIN FAGGOT!" He repeated. Steve put his head in his hands, reminding himself to smack Tony later.

"I should probably go." He murmured to Sharon and she nodded pathetically.

"That's a good idea Captain Faggot." She mumbled, rolling her eyes before Steve kissed her.

"I'm gonna miss you." He whispered and she rolled her eyes again.

"Have a good weekend." Steve ran out of the house and hopped into the car. Clint slammed on the gas and they headed on the road chanting "VEGAS! VEGAS! VEGAS!"


End file.
